Dear Friends,
I cried all the way through Sibiu airport and half of my journey to London. Unnecessarily it turned out. For those that haven’t watched my video, upon leaving Romania, I discovered I spent 91 days in Romania when I was only allowed to spend 90 as a tourist. I had arrived at 11pm so I was out by one hour. The police officer at passport control advised that I could not come back in as a tourist for 6 months (normally I have to wait 3 months). So when I left, knowing I was returning to New Zealand in November and may be staying on permanently to live with my son, I did not know if I would be back in Romania before a year or even four years (when Nathan turns 18).
However, I had some amazing news today from a man who has a business helping new immigrants to get visas for Romania. Alex worked as an Airport Police Officer for Passport Control for 7 years and he told me that I have not received an injunction (to stay out of Romania as a tourist for 6 months) and I can come back in three months. He told me, if I had received an injunction, I would have had it in writing: a note in my passport and a letter in English stating I was not to return for six months. Because I had only gone one day over, he said they said this to scare me. He is absolutely sure of this, and says I will not be turned away if I turn up at the border in 90 days’ time. Joy and relief!!!
The question for me now is do I spend 3 months out of Romania enjoying (or avoiding!) Europe’s hot summer and one short month in Sibiu before heading back to New Zealand in November, or do I apply for a long-stay visa now in case my son changes his mind at any stage about staying with me permanently when I return?
The long-stay visa if approved quickly will only give me 3 more months in Romania before needing to go back to New Zealand for my son’s birthday and will cost me about $1000NZD if I get the man mentioned above to help me with the process or $600 if I don’t, plus courier fees for original documents. It will also give me the ability to return if my son changes his mind.
This has less of an influence on my decision, but I’ll just throw it in there - my landlady is angry with me and refusing to speak to me (which is difficult to write without laughing a little I must confess). She is currently deciding whether or not she wants to throw me out for potentially staying in New Zealand to live with my son or whether she will allow me to stay until I leave for New Zealand. Her response is disappointing because if my son did change his mind, my intention was to live there indefinitely.
What I’m Leaning Towards
Having just found out the good news, of course I’m still processing it, but it makes sense to me not to apply for the long-stay visa yet. There is always the possibility that it takes longer than one month to process (particularly because I would be waiting for original documents to be couriered both from Romania and New Zealand) and would have to also approach Government departments in New Zealand to provide me with those original documents which will inevitably take some time. So is it worth $600-1000 for two months in Romania rather than one? Probably not. Although I am really attached to Sibiu and some of the people that I have met there, the question is what help could I offer in two months that would be different to what I could do in one? I am still waiting for Alex to give me news if there are any other options available to me as a New Zealander that I didn’t know about but at least for now, I am leaning towards putting my long-stay visa application on hold.
So has the last three months of learning about the needs and humanitarian work in Romania all been for nothing?
Will I just spend the last month in Romania simply being a tourist and not someone looking to contribute to humanitarian work?
Will I just disconnect from Romania in the following years till Nathan wants to go back to living with his dad or turns 18?
Well, I’ve been asking myself these questions the last few days and weeks as you can imagine, and I do think I have some answers…
A Home for Mums in Sibiu County
Since the first few weeks of arriving I’ve been daydreaming about creating a home for Romanian mums, and then the next few months talking to people to find out if it truly would be helpful. Believe it or not, this is not a new idea. When I was as young as 18 or 19 years old, I went on a (nursing) placement to Bethany Centre in Auckland - a home for young teen mums who needed support while pregnant and postnatally before deciding whether to adopt or keep their baby. I remember going out to my car and sitting in it and drawing out the idea of having my own centre that I ran and how it would look and how I would run it. I don’t think that dream has ever truly gone away and I’ve often revisited the idea, holding a weekend away for mums when I lived on Waiheke and often considering buying a house and creating a retreat in New Zealand specifically for mums.
I have had mixed responses about whether such a ‘home’ is needed in Sibiu. Some feel absolutely, yes: occasionally Rob has been asked to help support a family who wants to keep their child but cannot afford to and would otherwise abandon the child; there are many many teen pregnancies (children as young as 12 years old) having babies - especially those in the Roma community who are “given in marriage” as young as 8 years old. These young girls go to an emergency centre where they can stay for a long time if necessary, but it is a centre and not a home. Just like New Zealand, there is a lot of family violence in Romania, but the difference here is that Romanian women do not have the means to support themselves if they’re unable (or don’t have the skills) to find work, and so sometimes they leave their children in the shelter knowing they will be looked after and return to their abuser without their children.
While Rhea (social worker) feels that these women fleeing family violence need help getting into their own home after the shelter, having met with Loredana I now know that she only chooses to support women to do that who she knows will be able to find work. This is because they can only afford to give them resources for three months (including rent) and after that time they need to be able to support themselves - if they don’t and return to the situation, the resources were wasted and could have been used on someone else. Loredana, having been in their situation, believes that they have to be tough and work hard to find a way forward, but as a social worker and therapist I’m only too aware of what they are having to overcome, and three months is a big ask. My intention therefore, is to create a home for women who need more time to get on their feet - to access study/education, volunteer work or internships that might lead to a job. In my mind, the home could also provide a “next step” for teen mothers wanting to leave the emergency centre but not quite ready to be independent, and a place for mothers in poverty wanting to keep their babies but unable to afford it. I imagine to provide counselling, group therapy and psycho-educational groups there focusing on understanding the dynamics and effects of abuse, healing from trauma, mental health (such as my Out of the Fog programme I deliver and train/supervise others in), parenting, attachment and so on, and provide well child checks (since I have experience as a well child nurse), connecting in with local clinical and social services to improve outcomes for mother and child.
I have approached Rob from Lovelight Romania who has been supportive of me throughout the time I have been in Romania to see if the existing facilities that they own would be either available or suitable for such a home. I’m aware that my ability to live permanently in Romania could be anything from 6mths-4 years into the future. The alternative would be to fundraise for a suitable home. I have also approached Loredana to see if she would support this project under the umbrella of her charity as she said she might when I last met with her. Whether I get to meet with Rob and Loredana in an online meeting or I just meet up with them when I return in October, this is where I’ve finally landed after all of the visits and conversations that I’ve had in the last three months. It may be a plan that is not realised for four years or six months, but it is something I hope will be helpful, and will prevent children from being abandoned and traumatized by violence or poverty or child “marriage.”
In October when I return to Sibiu (either to my apartment or to holiday accommodation - my landlady will surely let me know at some stage?), I’d like to meet with the Social Services Director, visit the Emergency Centre and go to the shelter if they will allow me, given the fact that I will leave a month later. When I return to New Zealand, my intention is to fundraise for this project. I will start with giving away the mental health (natural) supplements I invested in which some of you know about, in exchange for a donation. I will take them to markets on the weekend, sharing information about Romania and the needs there and I’ll also keep you posted and up-to-date on that if it’s something you might be interested in supporting or if this overall project is something you would like to financially support.
I’m feeling positive about the future, and prayerful that whatever I contribute now or in the future will truly support people out of poverty, trauma, violence and abandonment.
Thank you for your support,
Kristina