Dear Friends,
I am still processing the last few days so after writing “the last few days have been…” I have stared at the screen without finding an adjective. Lovely? Sad? I think both. Let me explain.
When I walked up to Casa Kiwi (in English - Kiwi House), I paused to take a photo of the front door. When I read Sue van Schreven’s book and watched Rob Harley’s documentary of this charity, (I’m now not sure if it was “Someone somewhere loves me” [2008] or “The Orphan Lady” [2013]), never did I imagine I would one day visit. Casa Kiwi used to be described as an orphange but is now described as a “family home” which is what it’s always been. Their goal is to provide unconditional love to children while seeking opportunities for adoption for them.
Before Luminita’s arrival (the manager of Casa Kiwi), I have a few minutes with Raoul, one of the staff whose English happens to be great. I notice Christi (15) sitting outside with what Raoul describes as an angry face and what I would describe as a sad face. It has not been a good day for Christi. He refused to say sorry for an incident and had his phone taken off him. He became so angry at this that he punched Raoul. Aggression is common amongst the older boys. Later in the afternoon I talk to Raoul about this at length. He is an amazing young man in his early 20’s and watching him talk with Christi about his anger and spend time trying to resolve it, his gentleness, his understanding and his ability to communicate impresses me. He tells me all of the staff and the children are like a big family. He feels more like he is Luminita’s younger brother than her employee. He sets lunch in front of Luminita (he is a good cook!) as I have eaten, and a genuine cup of Earl Grey tea in front of me - something I haven’t had in ages, and it’s good. He tells me many of the children do not stay long and are adopted by families. Casa Kiwi is well known not just locally but across the country he says - known because of how well they treat the children which of course has a great impact on the success of adoptions.
The video above cuts out after 1 minute but upstairs are many brightly coloured and personalised rooms for the children with no more than 2 children in each room. The house is big with high ceilings and plenty of light.
Little ones like Daniela and her sister Lorena did not arrive from the placement centre (the state institution), they arrived from their families who have given them up for adoption at age 6 and 10. They arrived crying and Nicolas age 7 (who also cried when he arrived after his parents gave him up) tells Daniela not to cry, that they will be well taken care of. Daniela likes to snuggle into the laps of the female volunteers including me. At age 6 I imagine she is missing her mum. Her 10 year old sister Lorena leans on Raoul’s shoulder. Raoul tells me that Lorena prevented them from being adopted - she didn’t want to go to the new family, and I wonder if it’s because she has attached to people here at Casa Kiwi, and saying goodbye to them is too soon after saying goodbye to her parents? Raoul and I talk for a long time about the traumatised brain in children and I explain to him that often girls do not show aggression because they are conditioned not to, and I gave him the example of Lorena who agrees that when she is angry she clenches her fist and her jaw and she lowers her eyes, she goes quiet, withdraws and will not speak. I explain this is a freeze response and that it is just as harmful that she bottles up the anger as Christi who hits out.
The following day, after shopping with Luminita, she tells me she is worried about one of the boys who is not doing so well at school. He is refusing to do any of the work including the most basic tasks and swearing at the teacher. The school wants for him to go to a special school for children with disabilities. This is so difficult for him because he is not disabled. They wanted to maybe try him at a “sports school” but his football skills are not high enough to be accepted.
When we arrive, Nicolas does not seem his energetic and cheeky self as he was yesterday. He refuses photos when yesterday he wanted to be in all of them. I worry that he is subdued because Luminita had decided that I should get 3 of the boys football boots, and then a football and badminton set for everyone to use. The girls have their gifts that I bought from the Lazareni villagers but there is nothing specific for Nicolas. Perhaps I should have insisted on the boxing gloves for him that Raoul suggested instead of the badminton set? Either way, I am $NZD100 over budget. Luminata assures me that she doesn’t teach the children to be like that - she teaches them to be happy for the other children and to know that it might be their turn next. She tells me that they recently bought something for Nicolas. Still, it’s hard. Particularly as we stopped at Nicolas’ family home not far from Casa Kiwi.
As you can see, the ‘home’ is bits of wood leaning up against one another or whatever can be found to form a wall of sorts with a sheet of corrugated iron for a roof. It is not solid nor airtight let alone warm, dry and insulated. Before coming to Casa Kiwi, 7 year old Nicolas had been abandoned by his mother, leaving Nicolas with the father when she left due to his drinking (he was violent along with the drinking). She then fell pregnant again when she found a new partner.
Staff member Carolina sets Romanian soup down in front of me. I feel a little bad that she has had to go to the trouble of making me something different than the cabbage soup the others are having - cabbage hurts my stomach along with a lot of other food that I have to avoid. This is followed by sausages and potatoes and then by coffee. They eat well here. There is some conflict from Luminata during lunch. She finds a half-eaten apple in the rubbish bin but no one will own up to it. She explains that apples are out-of-season and so it is not a small thing to waste food. She asks me if I think she is overreacting to withhold the presents I’ve purchased for the kids until someone confesses. I have no idea what to say since apples are not a precious item for me and I threw out two slightly spotty bananas just a few days before.
A beaming Christi shows me my headphones that I’d left behind the previous day. I think this is particularly honest of him since the staff have forgotten they’d set them aside for me to claim and maybe the children would get to use it if he was quiet. “Bravo!” I say, pleased to have been reunited with them (they are my answer to constantly losing earbuds) and open up my arms and they all come rushing in for a group hug. Yep - even 15yo Christi who yesterday had only scowls.
10yo Ioana is sitting at the lunch table while I finish my coffee. She has been stand-offish with me - yesterday, very very shy and today fairly unimpressed with her gifts I think. I’m not sure if I remind her of someone who hurt her or if she doesn’t easily let people in due to her experiences or if it’s just 10 year old stuff (I have looked after many moody 10yo girls in my time!!)
She reluctantly agrees to a photo with her new hairclip, but she is enthusiastic about playing badminton with me outside and invites me to play. Once outside, I see Nicolas riding his bike up and down. I invite him to play badminton with us but he shakes his head and continues riding. Christi and Istvan stop me before we start playing. They are geared up in their bright orange football boots and matching bright orange football and they are beaming. They are heading out to the park to try them out. It’s so good to see them happy.
Ioana is mocking the way I speak to the boys, repeating my words in a sarcastic voice and I wonder if this is the10 year old thing again or if she is just trying to joke with me. Either way, she is soon laughing with me at our missing the shuttle cock and celebrating when we achieve “patru” (four hits without it falling). I try not to think about the times I achieved 100 continuous hits with my brother when I was her age and how my skills have reduced considerably. We run after the dog ‘Goldie’ who chases the shuttle cock and takes off with it. Daniela wants to play but since she is so young, Ioana is not pleased and wants to have this time with me to herself, while Daniela doesn’t want to be left out. It is a familiar story for children especially a few years apart, but I don’t have the Romanian to try and appease both. I try to include Daniela, Ioana becomes angry; I have a turn with just Ioana and myself, Daniela sits dejected. I try and do both and neither seem happy. Finally, Carolina (one of the staff) comes out and starts to play with Daniela and then Nicolas while Daniela happily rescues us from Goldie taking off with our game, giving her treats.
I give them hugs before I go and think of them as I walk down the hill in the hot sun towards my hotel. Suddenly I see a group of the other kids that were not there this afternoon. They are walking back to Casa Kiwi from celebrating a volunteer’s graduation from school and we greet each other with all smiles. 13 year old Piroska is part of this group - Christi’s sister. She is beautiful with her dark skin and her dark hair and her radiant smile. She understands my English but is too shy to try speaking it to me. Yesterday, Raoul told me a little of her story. As Roma people with dark skin, they are less likely to be adopted due to racism towards their colour and ethnicity and so they have been with Casa Kiwi since the age of 4. A few years ago, an American woman wanted to adopt Piroska but did not realise that she had a brother Christi and did not want to adopt Christi. While Christi experienced more rejection (which I’m sure contributes to his anger), Piroska experienced disappointment and anger towards her brother: “It would be better if I didn’t have a brother!” she said. Now at age 13 and 15, it is unlikely they will get adopted and Casa Kiwi will be their home.
So maybe you can understand how it felt both lovely and sad to be at Casa Kiwi today? Lovely to give simple joy to these children for a short time and to see them well loved here, and sad because of the rejection they have experienced and how that trauma affects them. Some of them would have moved three times in the system: “Fostered until the age of 4 years old when they are allowed to go into a placement centre (state institution) and then again to Casa Kiwi. They will move a fourth time if they are fostered or adopted - but the alternative is that they spend the majority of their childhood at a state institution.
As you can imagine, I am pondering it all in the soup that is my mind, trying to process all that I’m learning and seeing and wondering what my role is in all this . I have been doing a great deal of reading and research about children in Romania and I will condense that and share it with you in the coming days. Tomorrow, I take a four hour train journey to Sibiu where I finally take up residence in my newly acquired rented apartment.
Thank you for your prayers and support,
Kristina
Good work. Thank you and God bless. 🙂👌